Tuesday, January 10, 2012

IBDD (I Blame David Dalglish)

David Dalglish is one of my author buddies. He’s a terrific guy and he’s one hell of a writer—you can find a ton of his books by clicking here.

But he’s also a prick.

There’s a reason I use such a harsh term. We were talking about bad movies, and he asked me if I saw THE ROOM. I didn’t, and he told me that I should immediately purchase it, along with the Rifftrax audio commentary. (I later found out that Rifftrax is by the guys who did Mystery Science Theater 3000, which I’m a huge fan of) So, I decided what the hell? I picked up the DVD along with the audio track, and my girlfriend and I watched it a few weeks back.

Oh. My. Gawd.

I don’t even think I can do it justice on here, but I’ll do my best. The writing, acting and directing is atrocious. I couldn’t believe this was an actual movie we were watching. Many times throughout the film, our mouths were on the floor (and we had to look away from a bunch of the sex scenes where they would only be considered “sexy” on April Fools). We were also in tears from the commentary by Rifftrax as we watched. When it was over, we still couldn’t believe what we had witnessed. That had to have been one of the worst movies we ever saw.

And then… it stuck with us. We can’t stop repeating lines from both the film and Rifftrax. We say things like, “Oh hai, Darkness. Oh hai, Building,” etc. etc. We went out to eat after watching the movie and when I had to go to the restroom, it took all the strength in the world not to mutter, “Oh hai, Urinal! Oh hai, Sink! Have I told you how wonderful and sexy Lisa is?” for fear of somebody being in one of the stalls.

I’m effin’ obsessed with this movie now. I can’t stop watching Youtube clips. Even the ones without the Rifftrax! It’s that fantastic. My girlfriend and I are forever doomed to recite the awful lines. I’m still waiting for the day where I have a really, really bad day so I can scream, “Everybody betrayed me! I’m fed up with this world!”

So, I blame David Dalglish. Hence, me calling him a “prick.” He knew this would happen. It was all a part of his evil plan all along. I’m sure of it!

And now, it’s my turn to be a prick.

If you haven’t seen the “awesomeness” that is THE ROOM, do yourself a favor and buy/rent it. Then go to Rifftrax and purchase thecommentary. Watch it, and let it sink in. Try not to say “Oh hai (insert object/person name)” once you see it. Impossible, I say. Im-effin’-possible.

The Rifftrax sample:

Some “epic” clips without the Rifftrax audio:

Everybody betrayed me

Oh hai, Mark

What a story, Mark!

The Flower Shop scene